“Believe those who seek the truth. Doubt those who find it.” —André Gide

Resources

Want some examples of the way I think about school applications? Or do you think you want to try to apply on your own? This is for you.

First, no matter how you go about this, I wish you success! There are three thoughts I have come to believe are the most important things to bear in mind: Everything counts. The process is holistic. There is no formula. 

The most persistent misconception about school applications is that little is important beyond grades and test scores — or, a corollary, that grades and scores need to be the highest of all, and then the “extras” make the difference.

If anybody still believed that to be the case, it certainly changed a few years ago, when some of the most competitive schools in Washington, DC announced they would no longer even accept scores from standardized tests such as the WPPSI, WISC, SSAT, or ISEE as part of a student’s application. (Most are now test-optional.)

Most boarding schools are also “test-optional,” i.e., students may submit standardized test scores, but are not required to do so.

It seems clear that a student’s transcript, teacher recommendations, and other factors in an application (most of them non-quantifiable) have taken on greater importance.

At schools where test scores are either required or optional, of course those scores are still important — but they are not the only factors admission committees consider, and they are seldom the most important factor. If you doubt that, consider: At each school that accepts test scores, every year some students are accepted with test scores lower than those of some students who are admitted.

Why? Because everything counts. Because test scores are only a part of a holistic process. And because there is no formula.

Here’s some additional “30,000-foot” advice before you start:

Look more broadly than you’re inclined to, at least at first. If you haven’t spent years in education, you may not understand the differences between traditional and progressive educational approaches (hint: it’s not about politics); the ways different standardized tests are scheduled and their restrictions; who should write references supporting your child’s application; or what to do with a waitlist decision. You probably don’t know Directors of Admission very well, and there is information that admission offices will not share with you because you are the parent of an applicant.

Be as open and unbiased as you can with different perspectives on school. Do not succumb to the notion, often peddled by those with axes to grind, that there are a few schools that are so special that all others pale by comparison. I’ve been working with students applying to schools in Washington for 20 years. What I know is that a school that’s wonderful for one student may not be a good fit for another. And that parents who remain open-minded are more likely to discover things about their children, including the schools where they can thrive.

Ignore. The. Rankings.

Resist the urge to search for “top ten boarding schools,” or “best private schools in Washington.” Why? Because rankings are attempts to quantify something that is inherently unquantifiable.

School rankings are always — always — published for profit. Like everything online, profit comes from clicks, and clicks come from controversy, and from keeping readers anxious. How else can one explain that the “rankings” of schools change from year to year? Does anyone really believe that Princeton is “better” than Williams or Yale? Or that MIT can be “better” than Stanford one year, and worse the next?

I have been a member of the Independent Educational Consultants Association for years, and I have never heard a colleague cite “Great Schools” or “Niche” on, well, anything.

Finally, the data for these “rankings” are unavailable, secret, irrelevant — or all three. The National Association of Independent Schools, to which almost every independent school belongs, does not permit schools to participate in ranking schemes, so any rankings you find are not based on admission rates, emotional health, college matriculations, test scores, student engagement, or other salient criteria. They’re based on opinions, fuzzy proprietary algorithms, and maximizing site traffic. Ignore the “rankings.”

There is, of course, much more information than I could possibly recount in these pages, but for now, I’ve shared below many of the resources and much of the insider information on successful applications that I’ve learned over the past 20-plus years.

I have occasionally seen people refer to the “Big Three” in DC. I’ve been doing this more than 20 years, and I don’t know which three schools that comprises. This is about finding places where your child can thrive, not an athletic competition with a final score.

Classroom building, Proctor Academy, Proctor, NH

FAQ: General questions that I’m often asked

You have lots of questions. Good. You should worry if you don’t! Here are answers to a bunch of questions I’m asked frequently. (Each link opens in a new window.)

General Application Facts

Components of the Application

Standardized Testing

Learning Disabilities and Challenges

Visits and Interviews

Myths and Misconceptions About Independent Schools

Other Application Topics

Specific application questions that arise every year

What is the most common attribute of students who are offered admission at schools?

How should you decide which schools your child should apply to?

Who should ultimately make a decision about which school to attend?

Should you consider that your child might repeat a grade?

There are a lot of events — open houses, tours, virtual parent meetings, interviews, visits. Should you attend all of them, or as many as possible?

How many recommendations should you provide for your child?

Should you provide extra recommendations beyond a school’s requests? How many?

You’re pretty sure that your child’s current English teacher doesn’t like your child. Should you ask last year’s teacher to write the rec instead?

Does “test-optional” really mean optional?

Your child’s test scores are in the 71st percentile. Should you submit them?

Do “test-blind” schools look at testing results if you provide them? What if someone else provides them?

Are “test-blind” schools really “test-blind”?

If your child has undergone an educational assessment, must you provide the results to an admission committee? Should you?

What options do you have if you think your child’s test scores are not reflective of their ability?

What kinds of questions do admission interviewers ask students?

What are the most important points for a parent to make in an interview?

How much do the “essays” in the application really count?

How much editing/proofreading help should you provide on your child’s writing? Do schools know that you’re helping? How?

A school imposes a 300-word limit, but your writing is at 312 words after all the trimming you can do. Does anybody really care?

Can you re-use essay responses from one school to another? Do schools compare?

What mistake do almost all smart, educated parents make when completing the written components of the application?

Do you need a recommendation from an alumus/a or someone else connected to a school?

Should you solicit recommendation letters from parents of current students? If so, how many, and what should they say? If not, why not?

If your family knows a US senator, the CEO of a Fortune 500 firm, or another influential person who could write a recommendation for your child, should you ask for it?

Do most kids from families with pockets deep enough to build a building get in?

Why is lacrosse (theater, swimming, chess) more valuable at some schools than others?

How do you know if your family would qualify for financial aid?

What is “need-blind” admission? How might it benefit you? Is there a catch?

Is a school obligated to meet your financial aid need if they admit your child? If not, how is financial aid awarded?

What if a school offers financial aid, but it’s insufficient?

If you need financial aid, but you think it will diminish your child’s chances of admission, should you forego it for one year to get the admission advantage, and then apply for aid beginning in year two?

And who pays for financial aid, anyway?

Is there an advantage to telling an admission office that their school is your first choice? If so, when should you tell them? If not, why not?

If your child is waitlisted, can you find out the chances of eventual admission?

What can you do to influence a waitlist situation?

How can you approach a situation when your child is waitlisted at a first choice, and receives an offer from a second or third choice?

Classroom building, Proctor Academy, Proctor, NH

Mellon Arts Building, Choate Rosemary Hall, by I.M. Pei

Shared ideas on parenting

Occasional articles that I’ve found helpful on parenting and education. Perhaps you’ll find something that helps you think about your kids and their schools.

  • By Po Bronson. If you read nothing else while your children are young, this is the one to read. How I wish I’d read it before I made all the mistakes I made. (I’d probably only have made 90% of them.) A great 30-minute read.

  • That’s not the real title of the article, but it is the subject. Amy Thompson, former dean of enrollment at Loomis Chaffee in Connecticut, is among the most practical thinkers and writers on almost any admission topic.

  • The #1 soft skill that predicts kids’ success — and how to teach it. Hint: It’s not about being “smart,” at least not in the sense most people might think it is.

  • We don’t have to plan things for kids to do all the time. In fact, Lin-Manuel Miranda credited his unattended afternoons with fostering inspiration. “Because there is nothing better to spur creativity than a blank page or an empty bedroom.” Sometimes, we should let them figure out how to use their boredom productively — even if it takes time.

  • Lighthouse parents have more confident kids. Sometimes, the best thing a parent can do is nothing at all, writes the head of school at Georgetown Day School in Washington.

  • Our kids notice things, even if we don’t think about them. Here are several concrete reminders about why kids respond to the modeling we do as parents, rather than the things we tell them.