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“You need a consultant to get into a school? Geez.”

—from the DC Urban Mom bulletin board, by their most prolific contributor, “Anonymous.” Not everyone needs or wants a consultant. But if you think the whole idea is silly, you probably already know the answers to questions like these that arise every year:

  • What is the most common attribute of students who are offered admission at schools?

  • How should you decide which schools your child should apply to?

  • Who should ultimately make a decision about which school to attend?

  • Should you consider that your child might repeat a grade?

  • There are a lot of events — open houses, tours, virtual parent meetings, interviews, visits. Should you attend all of them, or as many as possible?

  • How many recommendations should you provide for your child?

  • Should you provide extra recommendations beyond a school’s requests? How many?

  • You’re pretty sure that your child’s current English teacher doesn’t like your child. Should you ask last year’s teacher to write the rec instead?

  • Does “test-optional” really mean optional?

  • Your child’s test scores are in the 71st percentile. Should you submit them?

  • Do “test-blind” schools look at testing results if you provide them? What if someone else provides them?

  • Are “test-blind” schools really “test-blind”?

  • If your child has undergone an educational assessment, must you provide the results to an admission committee? Should you?

  • What options do you have if you think your child’s test scores are not reflective of their ability?

  • What kinds of questions do admission interviewers ask students?

  • What are the most important points for a parent to make in an interview?

  • How much do the “essays” in the application really count?

  • How much editing/proofreading help should you provide on your child’s writing? Do schools know that you’re helping? How?

  • A school imposes a 300-word limit, but your writing is at 312 words after all the trimming you can do. Does anybody really care?

  • Can you re-use essay responses from one school to another? Do schools compare?

  • What mistake do almost all smart, educated parents make when completing the written components of the application?

  • Do you need a recommendation from an alumus/a or someone else connected to a school?

  • Should you solicit recommendation letters from parents of current students? If so, how many, and what should they say? If not, why not?

  • If your family knows a US senator, the CEO of a Fortune 500 firm, or another influential person who could write a recommendation for your child, should you ask for it?

  • Do most kids from families with pockets deep enough to build a building get in?

  • Why is lacrosse (theater, swimming, chess) more valuable at some schools than others?

  • How do you know if your family would qualify for financial aid?

  • What is “need-blind” admission? How might it benefit you? Is there a catch?

  • Is a school obligated to meet your financial aid need if they admit your child? If not, how is financial aid awarded?

  • What if a school offers financial aid, but it’s insufficient?

  • If you need financial aid, but you think it will diminish your child’s chances of admission, should you forego it for one year to get the admission advantage, and then apply for aid beginning in year two?

  • And who pays for financial aid, anyway?

  • Is there an advantage to telling an admission office that their school is your first choice? If so, when should you tell them? If not, why not?

  • If your child is waitlisted, can you find out the chances of eventual admission?

  • What can you do to influence a waitlist situation?

  • How can you approach a situation when your child is waitlisted at their first choice, and receives an offer from their second choice?

Still want to apply on your own? Want some insights? This is for you.

If you do this yourself, I wish you success! There are three thoughts that I have come to believe are the most important things to bear in mind: Everything counts. The process is holistic. There is no formula. 

The most common misconception about school applications is that little is important beyond grades and test scores. If anybody still believed that to be the case, it certainly changed a few years ago, when some of the most competitive schools in Washington, DC announced they would no longer accept scores from standardized tests such as the WPPSI, WISC, SSAT, or ISEE as part of a student’s application. (Most are now test-optional.)

Most boarding schools are also “test-optional,” meaning that students may submit standardized test scores, but are not required to do so. It seems clear that a student’s transcript, teacher recommendations, and other factors in an application (most of them non-quantifiable) have taken on greater importance.

At schools where test scores are either required or optional, of course those scores are still important — but they are not the only factors admission committees consider, and they are usually not the most important factor. If you doubt that, consider: At each school that accepts test scores, every year some students are accepted with test scores lower than those of some students who are admitted.

Why? Because everything counts. Because test scores are only a part of a process that is holistic. And because there is no formula.

Here’s some additional “30,000-foot” advice before you start:

Just as clients who represent themselves in court may not know the opposing attorneys and may not have seen many cases, you may not understand the differences between traditional and progressive educational approaches (hint: it’s not about politics); the ways different standardized tests are scheduled and their restrictions; when to press a family friend to write a note supporting your child’s application; or what to do with a waitlist decision. You probably don’t know Directors of Admission very well, and there is information that admission offices will not share with you because you are the parent of an applicant.

Be as open and unbiased as you can with different perspectives on school. Do not succumb to the notion, often peddled by those with axes to grind, that there are a few schools that are so special that all others pale by comparison. I am not a fan of “Top Ten Boarding Schools,” or the idea that there is a “Big Three” set of elite schools in Washington. (I’ve been working with students applying to schools in Washington for 20 years, and I don’t know what the “Big Three” are.) This is about finding places where your child can thrive, not an athletic competition.

Pay no attention to school “rankings.” I assure you that we in the business don’t. I have never seen school rankings published by anyone who does not seek to make a profit from doing so. I have also been a member of the Independent Educational Consultants Association for years and I have never heard a colleague cite Great Schools or Niche as authoritative on, well, anything. The National Association of Independent Schools does not permit schools to participate in ranking schemes, so any rankings you find are not based on test scores, admission rates, college matriculations, or other salient criteria.

There is, of course, much more information than I could possibly recount in these pages, but for now, I’ve shared below many of the resources and much of the insider information on successful applications that I’ve learned over the past 20-plus years.

Classroom building, Proctor Academy, New Hampshire

 
 

topics related to school application

Here are a handful of thoughts that I’ve thought over the past couple of decades. Each link opens in its own window.

How to Find Out What a School Is Like (And Why That’s the Wrong Question)
I’m often asked “What’s that school like?” — but no school can be described from one single perspective, or in just a few sentences. Instead, here are myriad questions to help parents determine whether their child might thrive at any given school.

Why Would a Family Choose a School That Ends in Grade 8?
Some thoughts on why you might reconsider “just doing it once.”

What Are the Differences Between the SSAT and ISEE?
A factual chart. It’s long but pretty comprehensive. You’ll have to enlarge it. There’s also some good advice from Applerouth, a test prep firm, here.

Calling Teachers by First Names? Really?
There are several schools in the Washington area, and some across the country, at which teachers and students are on a first-name basis. Here’s a piece on why some schools do this, by the former head of a school that does.

 
 

SHARED IDEAS

Occasional articles that I’ve found helpful on parenting and education. Perhaps you’ll find something that helps you think about your kids and their schools.

How Not to Talk to Your Kids, by Po Bronson. If you read nothing else while your children are young, this is the one to read. How I wish I’d read it before I made all the mistakes I made. (I’d probably only have made 90% of them.)

How to interview. That’s not the real title of the article, but it is the subject. Amy Thompson, dean of enrollment at Loomis Chaffee in Connecticut, is among the most practical thinkers and writers on almost any admission topic.

The No. 1 soft skill that predicts kids’ success more than IQ—and how to teach it. Stop worrying about how “smart” your kid is, and spend time helping them develop perseverance instead.

It’s good for kids be bored sometimes. Lin-Manuel Miranda credited his unattended afternoons with fostering inspiration. “Because there is nothing better to spur creativity than a blank page or an empty bedroom.”

Lighthouse parents have more confident kids. Sometimes, the best thing a parent can do is nothing at all, writes Russell Shaw, head of school at Georgetown Day School in Washington.

Things your kids notice even if you don’t think about them. Several concrete reminders about why kids respond to the modeling we do as parents, rather than the things we tell them.

FAQ: general questions that I’m often asked

You have lots of questions. Good. You should worry if you don’t! Here are answers to a bunch of the questions I’m asked most frequently. Each set of questions opens in its own new window.

General Application Facts

Components of the Application

Standardized Testing

Learning Disabilities and Challenges

Visits and Interviews

Other Application Topics

 

DC Urban Moms (and dads)

Several years back I posted several messages on the Private-Independent School Forum of the site, DC Urban Moms and Dads. I bought a hardy rain jacket and dismembership benefits. (I kid, I kid.) (Mostly.)

For the blissfully uninitiated: DC Urban Moms (as it’s usually called) is a veritable galaxy of forums, some helpful and some less so. In particular, DCUM’s Private-Independent School Forum can be a repository of misinformation, disparagement, axe-grinding, and sometimes ugly temperament. There are also some bad qualities. Perhaps that’s no surprise: In the Internet Age, everybody is an expert, and posts are anonymous, so nobody is accountable.

So what led me to register for an account under my real name?! It was part altruism — some of the ideas posted on DCUM are misinformed, and some are flat-out incorrect, so I thought I could maybe help a few earnest folks. It was part noble sociological investigation. As a friend asked when I posed the idea: “Is there any appetite for free, knowledgeable advice?”

I’m not too proud to say that it was also an attempt to see if I could engage some of the reasonable denizens (mostly lurkers, actually) who need advice on independent schools and knew to take with a grain of salt bizarre claims like, "Every kindergartner at Ideal Academy scored above the 95th percentile on the SAT!" or “Everybody knows that Washington Prep’s academics haven’t been any good since the Truman administration!”

Indeed, several parents have contacted me to say they heard me as a reasonable voice on DCUM, and I still get a few calls each year. The topics on which I’ve posted are arbitrary — I’m fielding ground balls where they’re hit — and it’s seasonal, because there are times of the year that I can’t check in often, if at all.

If you’re interested in what I’ve had to say, click on the link below, which will take you to my posts, under my actual name. Be sure your waders are cinched up tight.